Best Ideas Not Considered in One Week, One Tool

Semiotician X

Not sure what gang sign to flash at the next humanities conference? Semiotician X will show you the cool kids' latest moves, modeling and allowing you to practice before the Big Paper Session.

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Snack Positioning System

Waze-like social networking app that aggregates social knowledge about snack locations to the entire world.

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Embar-gone

Perhaps you've embargoed your dissertation, but you still have a nagging feeling that your publishability is being sabotaged by extant copies in circulation? Using the amazing power of MS Word's Visual Basic for Applications, Embargone programs extant copies of your dissertation to self-destruct at a pre-specified time. Text will be replaced by Markov-chain generated Nora Ephron-like text (see Ephronator). Now you'll ...more »

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Hippostrich

Chimera that can charge you at a full run while keeping its head in the sand. In that way, it's sometimes like radio talk-show hosts.

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Antidisendevirtualizer

Takes image. Antidisendevirtualizes it. Warning: Bayesian prediction of atmospheric conditions and other safety precautions required. In North Carolina, prohibited from putting in the back of a deep wardrobe.

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Feline Distraction Device

Computer-controlled device which, when turned on, activates a feline-distracting remote device to get the cat off of your desk/hands so you can keep working.

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Cron(ut)-Bot

Automatically dips your morning pastry of choice into your morning beverage of choice. Will also tweet about it and set up server batch processes timed to the dipping.

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Fantasy Faculty League Platform

Players draft faculty members and then have regular competitions based on stats derived from RateMyProfessor, WebOfScience, and Amazon.

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Feline Nuclear Football (Trigger Device)

Skeuomorphic button shaped like a mouse for your tabby to control your military's nuclear weaponry. Your military is no longer on hair-trigger alert. Call it "whisker-trigger." And hurry up with the catnip!

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Teddy Golem

Just write אמת on this cute little teddy bear's forehead, and it will turn into a raving maniac first destroying all threats to your household and community and then starting to destroy everything. But first pausing to have a nice picnic in the woods.

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BardSnark: Add Shakespearean insults to your MS reviews

Markov-chain editor that inserts random draws from the Shakespeare Insult Kit (http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/shake_rule.html) into manuscript reviews.

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Internet Refrigerator

See below for context. The internet fridge is a go to example for how the idea of "smart" devices can fail us. It would be fun to see something that plays with the idea of the smart fridge to remind us of the limitations of tools and hacks. From Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_refrigerator "By the late 1990s and the early 2000s, the idea of connecting home appliances to the internet (Internet of ...more »

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