Best Ideas Not Considered in One Week, One Tool

Best Ideas Not Considered in One Week, One Tool

Grad Student Mailroom Time Machine

Who cares about hot-tub time machines? You can't find the pool chemicals in the Triassic anyhow. We want a grad-student or academic-librarian mailroom time machine, because we KNOW grad students and librarians squirrel away essential survival materials in mailroom fridges, cubbies, and desk nooks and crannies. If you want the One Week, One Tool team to build a Grad Student Mailroom Time Machine, upvote this idea NOW!

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Ikupasuy-Bot

Motorized attachment to smartphones that will lift your moustache during an audiobook, so that it looks like you're reading the book aloud.

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Ephronator: Rom-Com Markov Chain Editing

Worried that your paper on leukocyte acidification is likely to put reviewers to sleep? Run it through the Ephronator, which will automagically insert smart, funny comments on life and romance into your paper.

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Teddy Golem

Just write אמת on this cute little teddy bear's forehead, and it will turn into a raving maniac first destroying all threats to your household and community and then starting to destroy everything. But first pausing to have a nice picnic in the woods.

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Feline Nuclear Football (Trigger Device)

Skeuomorphic button shaped like a mouse for your tabby to control your military's nuclear weaponry. Your military is no longer on hair-trigger alert. Call it "whisker-trigger." And hurry up with the catnip!

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Fantasy Faculty League Platform

Players draft faculty members and then have regular competitions based on stats derived from RateMyProfessor, WebOfScience, and Amazon.

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Cron(ut)-Bot

Automatically dips your morning pastry of choice into your morning beverage of choice. Will also tweet about it and set up server batch processes timed to the dipping.

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Antidisendevirtualizer

Takes image. Antidisendevirtualizes it. Warning: Bayesian prediction of atmospheric conditions and other safety precautions required. In North Carolina, prohibited from putting in the back of a deep wardrobe.

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Hippostrich

Chimera that can charge you at a full run while keeping its head in the sand. In that way, it's sometimes like radio talk-show hosts.

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Embar-gone

Perhaps you've embargoed your dissertation, but you still have a nagging feeling that your publishability is being sabotaged by extant copies in circulation? Using the amazing power of MS Word's Visual Basic for Applications, Embargone programs extant copies of your dissertation to self-destruct at a pre-specified time. Text will be replaced by Markov-chain generated Nora Ephron-like text (see Ephronator). Now you'll ...more »

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Semiotician X

Not sure what gang sign to flash at the next humanities conference? Semiotician X will show you the cool kids' latest moves, modeling and allowing you to practice before the Big Paper Session.

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Diss-Bot

Guided by the dissertation proposal you crafted 5 years ago, this AI tool rapidly assembles all the random paragraphs and tortured sentences that you've painstakingly created across numerous drafts and yet can't quite piece together. Within hours, Diss-Bot turns your scattered fragments into pages of machine-polished, embargo-worthy academic prose! All of which frees you for important tasks like following #owot live on ...more »

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